Saturday, January 2, 2016

2016...The Year of the Cripple!

Happy New Year everyone. I hope you all had a great 2015, because that shit is over! We are now officially in 2016. And while I could say the same for every year, I mean I am crippled myself, I'm going to call this the Year of the Cripple. Now I'm not referencing something in particular that is supposed to happen. Sure we're having the Presidential elections, there's the Olympics and Paralympics in Rio de Janeiro, and Marvel is finally going to add my favorite superhero of all-time (Spider-Man!!!) to it's connected cinematic universe, but I'm not talking about any of those things. But what I can tell you, is that every week, and yes EVERY WEEK, I'll have a brand new Cripple Please post for you. Now for those that have been reading this blog since I've had it, I know I've been slacking just a smidge. But those of you that have been reading also know that I've always got something both honest, and pretty damn interesting I must say, each time I drop a new issue. So trust me when I say, you want won't to miss any of it this year. Whether it's a dumb question that I, and I'm sure other crippled people like myself, get asked, something that I've seen, heard, or been told that I find offensive or have had to check someone about, more of my near death experiences, or whatever else comes to mind, I'm going to keep it coming AT LEAST once a week in this two thousandth and sixteenth year. So thanks to all of those out there who have read my blog in the past, to all of those that have told others about my blog, and to those of you who have never read my blog yet, but will in the future. I totally appreciate it.

Now before I go, I've got to start off the year right, so I've got to touch upon one of the many stupid questions I get asked. Well let me first say that technically no question is a stupid question. I was taught that if you don't know something, you should ask. So I guess technically it's flawed to call this particular question "stupid." Either way, the question, that I get asked quite a bit surprisingly, is "how do you keep your shoes so fresh?" Now like I mentioned, if you don't know something, unless it's incredibly insensitive or just plain rude to do so, go ahead and ask. And I guess to some I do have a pretty intense shoe collection. Also, I guess I appreciate it that people don't assume that just because I'm in a wheelchair, that I can't walk at all. But with that being said...Really?!? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you ever see someone in a wheelchair who has older styled/released shoes that appear basically new, or always has what seem to be new or basically new shoes on, it's safe to say that they're like that because they don't or can't walk on them. Now I would never say "dumb question" to the face of those that ask me that question from time to time, but it amazes me how often I'm asked the same question. I know they say that "assume" means making an ass of you and me, but just assume that the person doesn't walk on them the next time you think about asking this question. Really. I'll continue to accept any and all compliments on my foot ware though. Personally, while I love being crippled for a variety of reasons, the shoe thing has got to be in the top 5 for me. I'll go into more detail about that in a later post, but it's an awesome perk in my opinion. But as to how I keep them so pristine...I don't walk on them. Pretty simple right? If you don't understand how that works, let me break it down for you. Go out, and buy a pair of shoes. Now when you get home, take the shoes out of the box. Now, while holding the shoes which have been taken out of the box, sit down in any chair of your choice. Be sure to make sure that the chair that you're in has either some sort of foot rest to place your feet on, or use something to serve as a makeshift footrest/foot stool. Next, put the shoes on, and just sit there with your feet on the footrest or foot stool. Keep sitting. Keep sitting some more. A little bit longer. Done. Now look down. Notice how your shoes are still basically brand new? Isn't it crazy how your shoes are still in amazing condition when your feet never touch the ground?!? Now imagine if your feet were always in that same position all the time! Your shoes would basically be brand new all the time. Other then normal oxidation that affects all materials, no change would ever come to them. Isn't science grand? So the next time you see me or one of my crippled brothers or sisters, and that question is on the tip of your tongue, I hope you hear these words in the back of your mind...."Cripple Please!"


  1. Jonathan,oh how I love your honesty and miss your humor!! I will be reading your blog weekly!
    Love you-Kimmie

  2. Jonathan,oh how I love your honesty and miss your humor!! I will be reading your blog weekly!
    Love you-Kimmie

    1. Thanks Kimmie for reading and the support. Love you too, and miss your laugh!

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